Top 3 Causes of Divorce
In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 50. Healthy marriages are good for couples’ mental and physical health. They are also good for children; growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and social problems. However, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.
There can be multiple reason why couples choose divorce however, I will focus on the few that seem to be on the top of the list.
1. Poor communication. This is one of the major reasons why divorce happens. Suppose that you didn’t drive a car before and that you used to think that when the fuel pointer points to the E (or empty) then this means that the car needs to be washed! What do you think will happen? Of course the car will stop leaving you in the middle of the street. But do you know what your fault was? You didn’t read the car’s manual. When two people live together they should be able to recognize the different signals that they both send. Both lack of self understanding and lack of understanding of people can cause a horrible communication gap between couples and so lead to divorce.
Distance is created quickly if you don’t share your feelings, don’t tell your partner what’s happening, and keep your feelings to yourself. A successful relationship constantly keeps the lines of communication open.
2. Finances. Arguing about money is the top predictor of divorce. Fights about money are actually fights about deeper issues in the relationship such as power, trust, jealousy, etc. If these deep issues in the relationship are problematic, then the couple may be more likely to divorce. We all have deeply held beliefs about the best way to use money. Sometimes spouses’ beliefs differ and so they come into conflict. Imagine a spouse who feels that money is best used for status. On the other hand, the other spouse believes money is best used for security. This couple would then probably have more conflict. If money becomes a consistent topic of disagreement, the road to divorce is certain.
3. Trust. Do you really trust your spouse? Trust is one of the leading factors in having a successful relationship and marriage. Your marriage is unlikely to survive if you don’t trust your spouse. A happy marriage rests on a foundation of unquestioned trust. If you want your marriage to be all it can be, you must know how to create this kind of trust. Most couples think of trust exclusively in terms of being sexually faithful, which is essential, but there’s more to it.
- Trust that you will be sexually faithful. Without sexual fidelity marriage becomes unworkable. Partners can recover from an affair but need professional help to do it. Keep your commitment to be sexually faithful. If you’re unhappy in your marriage, get counseling and not a part-time lover.
- Trust that you will not harm, reject or control one another. Hurting one another, either physically or verbally, and then rejecting one another, creates fear which undermines trust.
- Trust that you love one another without ulterior motives. You and your spouse need to feel sure you are loved for yourself and not some ulterior motive. That includes your looks, your money, your family, your partner needs someone to feel superior to or be a buffer against being alone and lonely.
- Trust that you will not abandon one another in the face of anger, conflict and disagreements. Anger, conflict and disagreements are inevitable. Make it safe for the careful expression of anger and for disagreements to happen without raising a fear of abandonment. You do this by never using the threat of divorce against your partner.
- Trust that you will keep each other and your marriage a top priority. Partners trust that they mean it when they promise to love, honor and cherish one another. Don’t take each other for granted, neglect your relationship or consistently give too much time and energy to other things and people you break that trust. Remember every day what is really important in your life. Keep your priorities clear. Make your partner and your marriage a top priority.